Borne on the Fourth of July
by Sapphonest
Summary: Happy Independence Day! Post GB&GL. AU no GSR . One-shot. Cath/Sara. Catherine takes Sara's leaving hard, and she seeks distraction in a local 4th of July firework show.


**Borne on the Fourth of July**

**A/N:** Okay, so, this is a post-ep for Goodbye and Good Luck. It's AU in that there is no GSR going on. Oh, and let's pretend Sara left on the 4th of July.

**A/N 2: **I was out at a fireworks display tonight and this story just hit me. And of course, when that happens, it's write or die. So, I chose write.

**Disclaimer:** Negotiations with CBS have begun, but I highly doubt that my 37.54 and two fuzzy certs will be enough to buy any rights to CSI. Therefore, it is yet to be mine.

--

The news hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn't even seen it coming. If she had, maybe she would have said something, done something. Made her stay. Perhaps she would have finally told her. But it didn't matter now. She had waited too long, and the chance had slipped through her fingers.

Sara was gone.

As soon as the words left Grissom's mouth, it felt as though an anvil was pressed against Catherine's chest. She hadn't even managed to excuse herself before she hurried down the hall and into the locker room. It was the closest thing to privacy she would be able to find in the entire lab.

She sat on a bench in the far corner of the room and her face immediately fell into her hands. _She left. She's gone. And now she'll never know. God, I should have told her._ But through it all, she refused to let herself cry. She couldn't.

After another moment, she stood and gained as much composure as she could muster, and made her way back to Grissom's office.

"Gil. I know there is still a half hour left of shift, but I'm not doing much and I promised Lindsey I'd take her to see the fireworks tonight." She hoped her feeble attempt at an excuse would prove worthy and watched as Grissom weighed her words. Finally, he met her eyes and gave her a curt nod, which she returned before turning on her heels and heading back to the locker room for her jacket and car keys.

--

The entire drive home was a struggle to keep tears from falling.

When she finally found her way inside, she curled into bed as quickly as physics would allow; not even attempting to remove any of her clothing. She fought off thoughts of the brunette she had lost and let herself fall into an uneasy sleep.

When four o'clock rolled around, Catherine was awoken by a boisterous teenage girl bounding into her room.

"Mom! Mom, wake up. I have to ask you something. Mom!" The young blonde took a gentle hold on her mother's arm and shook until Catherine slowly opened one eye, followed reluctantly by the other.

"Mmmm. What?" She groggily asked, pushing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

"Hailey and her mom want me to go with them tonight. They are gonna go see this firework show. Can I go Mom, please?" Catherine attempted to sit up, and was finally successful on her third try. "It's supposed to be really cool. I really want to go. Please?"

"Yea, okay," Catherine replied, her hand covering her eyes to block the light.

"Thank you so much! I'll see you later." Lindsey bounced back out of her mother's bedroom door and closed it, allowing her to fall back to sleep.

--

Catherine didn't reawaken until nearly eight o'clock that night. She knew she had the night off, and so she took her time getting out of bed. When she had finally woken enough to walk, she made her way to the bathroom to shower.

Upon entering the small room, she saw her reflection in the mirror. _God, I look like crap._ She brushed a lazy hand along her brow before pulling on the hem of her shirt.

After she had finished her shower, she clicked on the news. It wasn't that she wanted to hear about the days events, but instead that she needed some sort of noise to distract her. She was still refusing to think about Sara; knowing that any reflection whatsoever would only lead to a more painful heartbreak. She made her way to the kitchen, going through the motions of finding something to eat.

"And don't forget, tonight at ten, Lake Mead plays host to a wonderful tradition. Come celebrate the 4th of July with a wonderful light show. And how about the weather that goes along with that show, Pat? Well, as usual, it's going to be…"

Catherine caught a piece of the news as it filtered mostly unnoticed in one ear and out the other. She had been planning on doing something with Lindsey to celebrate the holiday, but seeing as her daughter was spending less and less time with her to be with friends, she found herself alone.

_Maybe Lake Mead won't be so bad. _

Frankly, she welcomed any excuse for putting her mind to other things. And an intake of a firework display certainly qualified as a distraction. Checking her watch, she saw that it was already 8:52. If she was going to go all the way out to Lake Mead, she would need to leave soon.

Finally, she just decided that she should do and not think, and she grabbed her coat and left.

--

Driving up the side of the road, Catherine realized she should have figured that the place would be packed. She had found her way up onto one of the hills alongside the lake and the side of the road was lined with cars; passengers eagerly awaiting the start of the show.

She continued up the road for a while longer, and just when she thought she wouldn't be able to find a place to park anywhere, she spotted a space behind a large truck that was clearly the end of the line. There was room for at least four more cars to park.

She pulled over, parking far enough away from the truck ahead of her to allow for a certain level of privacy. She didn't necessarily need it, but she felt like isolating herself. Stopping the engine, she let her head fall back against the head rest of her seat and let out a deep breath. Hopefully, this would work. Something nice and uplifting. Maybe it would make her feel better.

She unbuckled herself and grabbed a water bottle from the passenger's seat, carefully opening the door. Checking her watch once again, she found that she had six minutes before the start of the firework display, and she set to finding a place to sit. After a glance around she realized that there was nothing but dirt, and instead, she settled on leaning against her car.

_What a day. _She pushed her fingers through her hair and let her chin drop to her chest before placing her hand on her cheek. _I can't believe she's gone. She left me. No, she left the team. She had no reason to leave me. I never had her._ Finally, after a day's worth of trying to suppress the thoughts and the tears, they sprung forth from her, paving paths of wetness down her cheeks as she made futile attempts at wiping them away.

_Sara. I miss you. I'm so sorry. _

Finally breaking down, she felt herself slide down the length of her car until she found herself seated on the dusty earth. The floodgates opened wide. At this, she knew that wiping away the tears was pointless, and she just let them fall. Her thoughts slipped back to the moments that she and Sara has shared over the last eight years. Moments she had wasted by not telling the brunette how much she loved her. How much she cared.

_You're such a coward. Now you'll never get to tell her. _Catherine chastised herself, welcoming the mental berating. Her balled fists found their way to her temples as they pushed into her skin seemingly of their own accord.

The loud pop signaling the commencement of the fireworks didn't even startle her as she sunk lower into herself. She hadn't even realized that they had begun until the powerful boom of the third pyrotechnic shook her. But even then, she didn't look up. The warm night breeze was whistling against her sleeves and she hugged them to herself as she drew her knees closer to her body. She finally wrapped her arms around her knees and dropped her head to them, letting the material of her jeans soak up the salty tears that were now cascading down her cheeks in rivers.

Another loud boom brought her head up and she stared into the night. The colorful lights flashed, occasionally paired with crackles, some with resounding bangs and others with drawn out whistles. She took in the sight and was suddenly overcome with feeling of loss unlike one she had felt before; the open air and vast surroundings making her feel small and alone.

"Sara," she whispered into the night, and finally let her head fall back to her knees.

The feeling of a hand on her shoulder startled her, and when her head whipped up to see whom it belonged to, she felt as if she were seeing things.

"Sara?" was all she managed as the very corporeal tall brunette reached out her hand in offering. Catherine hesitated ever so slightly, still trying to grasp the fact that Sara Sidle was really standing in front of her, holding out a hand to help her to her feet.

"Yea, Cath. I'm here." Sara gave her a genuine smile as Catherine finally took her hand and was pulled to standing. As another bright light flashed, Sara could see it reflected in the wet streaks on Catherine's cheeks and she reached out to wipe them away. "Hey, don't cry. What's wrong?"

The blonde stifled a pained laugh as she leaned into Sara's hand on her cheek, and finally found her words.

"You left."

Sara felt an empathetic smile grace her lips and she raised her other hand to Catherine's face, mimicking the motions of the other. At this, Catherine let out an audible sob.

"You left, and you were gone, and I didn't get to tell you," she mumbled as she let herself be pulled into Sara's embrace.

"Shh. I'm here now. It's okay," Sara cooed, and she pushed one of her hands up into Catherine's hair, cradling her gently, and holding the blonde to her. "You can tell me now." Catherine's hands wrapped themselves around Sara's waist and she felt as if she were holding on in an attempt to keep Sara from leaving ever again.

"I love you," Catherine sobbed into Sara's shoulder.

She felt the brunette tense before she was gently being held away from the tall body. When she turned her face upwards, she found brown eyes boring into her blue ones, and was emboldened by them.

"I love you, Sara. And I was too afraid to say it before. But I'm saying it now." As she spoke, she searched Sara's eyes for some sort of reaction; some sort of gauge as to whether she was making a mistake or not. And before she could speak again, she felt warm lips covering hers.

In the background, they faintly heard the climaxing of booms and bangs as the amount of light being given off by the multitude of fireworks neared daylight.

Sara finally pulled away and saw that Catherine's tears had dried. When their eyes met again, Sara could see the confusion staring back at her.

"How did you find me?" Catherine asked quietly, almost afraid to shatter the moment.

"Grissom. He said you were going out to see fireworks. If you hadn't been here, I don't know where I would have looked. I was kinda banking on this," Sara answered, and seeing that the confusion had yet to be quelled in Catherine's eyes, she continued. "I couldn't leave, Cath. The second I stepped out of the building, I regretted leaving you. I… Catherine, I love you, too. So much."

And when lips met lips once more, Catherine let herself fall into the comfort of knowing that Sara hadn't left. No, she had stayed. _For me._

_--_

_So... Good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know._

_And THANK YOU! so much, Lindsay (geekgirl18) for beta'ing. You know I love you._


End file.
